NOW.

“So what are you doing now?” A common question. We’ve just gotten mostly settled into our new home back in the city. Life has been so busy, it’s really been about survival for a while between commuting, moving, supporting my husband as he starts work again…but now the dust is settling. So, what am I doing? I know I’m supposed to do SOMETHING. I love working and sharing and creating. I love coaching and supporting others. I love speaking and writing and singing and laughing. And here I am, kind of in this season of being a mom and housewife.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with being a housewife and mom. I just, want to do something else. I think I’m supposed to do something else. I love leading worship but, what about the rest of the week? Is that it?

So…what is that? Is writing something I could actually do? Am I supposed to push speaking more? Am I supposed to launch into coaching full time again? (By the way, yes, I am still coaching. I’ve just taken a step back from the pushing and found a more organic, part-time flow.)

This morning, I was praying and doing meditation/affirmations. I was journaling about all of the things I am grateful for and how much I appreciate in my life right now. I started to ask God for help staying present. I have a tendency to arrive somewhere and say “what’s next?” I am an enneagram 7 if that tells you anything. So I started praying that I could just appreciate what is right here, right now. I felt my core start the argument of “but what are you going to do?” “What should you do next?” As I fought to stay present, I heard it loud and clear…

My purpose is not on a timer.

I feel that panic of missing out because I’m getting older and I don’t want to miss my window. However, my purpose is not on a timer. Time isn’t running out. God can open doors at any age. All I have to do is be faithful to the here and now. Serve exactly where I am. Right now, I’m supporting my husband and trying to keep my kids alive. Really, at this age, I just serve as their referee (send coffee and prayers).

My time will come. For what? I’m not sure. When? Um, idk. How? Also no clue. But really I’ve never had a life game plan except to follow where God leads me. I’m not saying that’s the way to do things. People who have real adult jobs and make the world go round and know how a 401K works…I am grateful you are making the world function so I can go all Pocahontas (movie version) and follow the wind or whatever.

If you’re not sure what you’re doing with your life, welcome to the club. You’re not the only one. And I’m here to tell you that’s okay. Seasons change. Life is a wild ride. There will be ups and downs. You might change directions when you least expect it. You might move to the mountains for under a year and then hurry back to the city. [cough]

Be present. Serve in the here and now and find excellence and faithfulness and joy in it.